What to do when everything hurts

This week it feels as though everyone is hurting. If you are aware of what is going on in the world right now, it’s difficult not to feel pain.

I wanted to share something I came up with in a different time of need. This is not to distract or drown out the news (I very much believe this week has arrived because not enough of us have cared for far too long).

This is to balance the news, to fend off despair, to help us function so we can do the good work that is so very necessary in the world. This is a survival strategy.

Sending love to all who are hurting right now. xo

A few years ago something awful made me feel like I had lost traction with the world.

It’s the same way a car tire loses purchase when driving too fast on snow or ice. It can happen with rain as well. Suddenly the connection slips and the two surfaces are no longer married together. It’s dangerous and destabilizing.

That’s how it was in my brain. As this bad news broke, I lost the connection I’d had with what was going on around me. The world tilted. I felt dizzy and had a hard time breathing. I didn’t know what to do.

I was in a public place and needed to keep it together and not make a scene, so I did what I often do in times of stress: I pulled out paper and started writing. I knew I needed to focus on something very small.

I decided to make a list of good things.

The smell of fresh cut grass
The color of a robin’s egg
A glass of tart lemonade
A baby’s laugh
Picking strawberries
The way an oar slices through still water
Digging my toes into warm sand on a beach
The outrageously long neck of a tulip
How a neighbor in San Francisco played piano and on sunny days the music floated through our backyards and into my open window

You get the idea.

As I wrote, my breathing calmed, the world slowly righted itself, and I felt like a person within it again. The devastating news still existed, but so did warm sand on the beach, so did baby laughter, so did fresh strawberries.

Nothing had changed, but I felt like I could walk through my days again, no matter how difficult they might be.

I still use this technique. From time to time I post lists of “Things making me happy” to Instagram. Sometimes people share their own lists back to me, which I love. But few realize those lists come when I am struggling, when things feel hard or dark or hopeless. I need happy things most when I am not feeling happy myself.

As I said, this is not to turn away from pain. Pain ignored just continues (and even gets worse). This is something I am learning.

This is simply a way to continue walking through it—so we can stand, so we can care for each other and our communities, so we can help with the work that needs to be done.

Sometimes goodness is fuel, sometimes goodness is protection, sometimes goodness is balance. Remembering the goodness helps right the boat. It allows us to keep paddling forward.

I hope you can find some balance right now, so we can all help with the work that needs to be done ❤️

If you are able to help financially, here are some organizations doing good work in hard places.

Save the Children
Medical Aid for Palestinians
Jewish Agency’s Fund for Victims of Terror
Palestine Children’s Relief Fund
Doctors Without Borders
Alliance for Middle East Peace